Early Life's lessons
I was recognised as different by the locals of my new home town. Living in a council house in the toughest part of town was always going to make me tough, or so I would like to think.
My mother had written home from the states begging my grandfather to send money over to pay for food and to enable her to get a flight home to the UK. My father was apparently absent for most of the time leaving her alone whilst serving his duty. It is said he was a 'womaniser', a trait which may be part of nature and form in the genes. A white English girl, no differentiation between the countries, married to a Native American was not conducive to local support - mum was alone.
My grandfather did not have that kind of money but he knew someone who did. 'Bull' was the local shopkeeper. In this very tight community everyone knew every ones business but they were very supportive, with most of life's challenges. A local marrying one of those Americans was always going to provide the offspring with a label.
'Bull' provided the money. I would like to think without question. My mother and I came home. Home was a typical two up two down. Pleasant and comfortable. Sometimes pitched into darkness and often bereft of food. But then there was Granny and Grandad.
Grandad, he was for all, my father. A softly spoken man who had a nature to suit. He doted on me. It was always Grandad. He took me away with him, wherever he went. He was my sole source of affection.
Granny ranted and raved a lot. She often projected what ever she was holding at the time at either my mother or more often my Grandad. Mum inherited some of these characteristics and I have no surety that it was anything more than nurture rather than nature based upon the evidence that my sister does not have the same traits.
Grandad protected me from everything. Whenever I was anxious, I found him. Whenever I just needed to be with someone Grandad was there.
The environment and years were tough. the local kids had formed attitudes formulated from what they had heard from their mothers about who we were and what we were. We were different.
A beating from the playground was the norm. I would return home bloody and Granny would then pursue the gang until she tired. She was scary when in pursuit. I was always bewildered as to why they would take the chance of getting caught by her.
Another summers day. Playing in the park. Riding the top hat. Leeching on the swings and going down the slide on my front. Having great fun! Then the 'A' brothers arrived with the gang. Here we go again. This time I won't cry.
A broken half pint Watney's ale bottle was threatening me. "I am not scared of that" knocking it out of the hand of the oldest. Then I came over a little bit strange. Fear gripped me. "I will show you I am not scared of that". I stamped on the broken bottle.
20 or so stitches later and sitting on my Grandfathers lap, I wondered why I had not just run away. I tried to explain how I had managed to fall on the bottle and how it had managed to be sticking out of the top of my foot. I am not sure he bought into my story but he never asked me again.
Apprehensively I entered the park. Did they know that I was a 'tough' little bugger! Or so I would like to think of myself. I never found out and was never picked upon again. Indeed I was never picked upon by anyone again. Perhaps Granny did manage to catch them! God help them!
I was a quiet and studious boy. Mum had moved me from school after the teacher and her husband were found bullying me - I was different as everyone knew. But I enjoyed education. I had books and friends who also enjoyed the finer aspects of ornithology. We enjoyed ourselves in the woods and searching for that illusive Redstart.
Mum drove me forwards in school providing work books that were a year ahead of the class. The Head Master thought I was a genius and mum revelled in that. Recognising that I was bright but not a genius, my teacher encouraged me to pursue other interests of which art was just one. I painted birds, what else!
The Parent Teachers Association had raised enough money to build a heated outdoor pool in the school grounds. The subject of every lesson and playtime was now about swimming. "Yes,I can swim". I stood at the edge of the pool. Fear gripped me and I fell forward. I could swim!
I excelled in sport throughout my childhood. Whether football, cricket, basket ball, swimming, athletics and later rugby, I was good at everything. Sport took over my life. I played sports at playtime, evenings and every weekend. Rugby took over my life from the age of 13 and I was noted by others. Later playing at a senior level.
Much later sport played another major role in my life. The irony, unreasonable behaviour, "I am divorcing him on the grounds that he plays golf to the exclusion of me and his sons", She left me for a golf pro.
It was just any other Saturday morning. Grandad, who lived with us by now, was downstairs making a cup of tea. My step dad was talking to him. 'D' was a man who was not unlike my Grandad in nature, a good man who developed in me a work ethic, as he himself worked seven days a week and provided well for us - along with my own father's veteren's pension.
Life was pretty good. A brand new home. Holidays every year and my mum seemed a little happier. But most thrilling of all Grandad lived with us.
After playing with my younger sister I started for the stairs. I looked down from the top "mum mmmmmmmmmmmm". Grandad had had a fatal heart attack. He was only a few years older than I am now but had suffered serious wounds in the 2nd World War. This had weakened his heart.
I did not cry. I was a tough little bugger. After the funeral I rode off on my bike and went fishing. On my own, I cried for his loss. Even now I feel a well of tears building up just thinking of that day.
Now at the age of eleven and short of my Grandad another world collided with mine. I found girls or more correctly they found me just at the time I began puberty for real. Some how they were attracted to me. For the next 30 years it was to be 'always the same'.
To be resumed!!!!
Wednesday, 24 January 2007
Tuesday, 23 January 2007
And here's jonny CSA
Just a brief interlude as I have posted something about the CSA ...... I will get back to the rest of it in good time!
An Ode to an Oh!
How I ever came to this is a sorry story in itself. How did I get to this?
For now I will inform you of the current action your wonderful measures are taking and refer to your previous actions.
I have accrued in ten years the frightening some of £5k in arrears with the CSA.
Surely this is a clear example of an errant father refusing to pay for his children?
Indeed, he is clearly depriving his children and forcing them into poverty.
Sadly that may be the case. But what can I do?
Some ten years ago I was informed of my ex-wife’s decision to divorce me. Stating that “I will not allow you to have access with the boys, as my new partner will not be able to control them if you are still around”.
A battle ensued. No winners, not unless you consider the thousands gained by the solicitors.
Immediately, I started sending my then wife, cheques. None were cashed. I quickly realised that this was as a result of her need to access Legal Aid. Then I sent them to the solicitors with the same outcome.
New strategy. Deliver them in person to the solicitor and have a receipt signed. Too late Legal Aid gained - benefits application made. CSA are in correspondence with me. I am now ‘officially’ an errant father who refuses to pay for his children. This mantle has stayed with me all these years. I am constantly reminded of it every time I speak to someone at that wonderful CSA.
‘D’, the ex has moved away. Remained true to her word regarding access. The CSA are pursuing me. Oh! I lost my job - redundant. And I’m divorced. All this and only a few months before I was happily married and studying for a better future for my family. How things change.
Depression has taken over me but I manage to acquire a new job. It’s in the ‘big smoke’. Travel, accommodation? Travel, accommodation? What should I do? ……………Travel and get the house sold.
“Please can we sell the house so I can carry on my life and do my new job?”
No, we need to settle the children matters and then deal with the financials.
The coded message was sent to me ‘don’t fight for contact’ and ‘we’ll settle quickly’.
“But how do I travel every day or live in London and still pay the mortgage whilst pay the maintenance assessment?”
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Another coded message.
18 months passed bye. Too many 4 am starts and returns after 11pm. That was just the work. Then the booze kicked in giving that depression a real boost. I’d lost it now.
Selling anything I owned to get enough money to meet all the bills.
“Mr. CSA can you look at my case again. You do not seem to be allowing me enough to pay my bills”.
“Well, you have £53 a week to live on and we cannot allow your mileage or rail costs to London as its unreasonable to your ex”
“But, I am a specialist – I was made redundant from the only local employer who could use my skills – but I did get a job – I got on my bike”
“Oh! I did not realise you meant that I had to literally get on my bike and cycle the 130 miles to work every day”
Ok, now a dilemma. Pay the bills, the mortgage and my rail season ticket and do I stop paying the CSA?. Or do I stop paying the bills, pay the mortgage and my rail season ticket? Or do I …………………….. let me get another drink.
Ok the bills are mounting up now. But I won my contact case. I get 1 hour every two weeks in a contact centre. And its only 300 miles away.
“Oh! The boys are ill today” “Ok, in two weeks time then – and here is another £100 cash to help you”
Where is that drink!
Now that stack of bills is really building up into something resembling ‘centre point’. But I am seeing the boys at last!
“Oh! They do not want to see me – yes I know – but it’s only been 12 months since I have seen them – have they forgotten who I am?”
“Ok, here’s your £100 and this is for Christmas”
Can’t open the door now – need to move those letters. In a minute – just one more drink.
Ooops! Lost my driving licence somewhere between buying the boys their Xmas pressies and the last bottle I had.
Ok, my fault – that bottle is the problem. I can do this for a year.
Unable to see the boys – well they have been very ill. Funny only on the second Saturday of the month. Still Lord Chief Butler-Sloss will understand.
“Oh!”
“The law changed whilst you were trying to read all my files that I prepared for you and lodged at the Court of Appeal”
“Yes that’s very unlucky”
…………………………
“I missed a few of CSA payments – yes I know - I had nothing left to sell”
“What’s a detachment of earnings order?” “oh!”
…………………………..
“Sorry you’re credit card has not been authorised” – “but how do I get my season ticket”
“Mr CSA, can you look at this again” “Oh! The Secretary of State makes you do it”
That Secretary of States a clever guy – he knows what he’s doing.
“Sorry boss – I could not get in today – not well”
“ Are you interested in buying this – no – Ok – I understand”
“Boss I can’t get in today – I’m ill”
“Look Mr Bank, I know I’m overdrawn but if I do not get to work soon I will lose my job – thank you – you are a star”
“Hi Boss feeling better today – I’m here!”
“Ok, I understand. Things always change. Thanks anyway – and thanks for the reference offer – I’m sure I will get another one soon”
Another drink …….. that’s fine.
Hooray! A new job and its only 250 miles from home. Well at least I won’t have to keep looking at those bills.
Ok I’m off. B&B. New bank account – this it. I made a decision I’ll be OK now.
“Mr Building society here is the keys to my house – yes – it should make a profit. Why? – I can’t pay the mortgage any longer and Lodgings and the bills and the CSA”
…………………………………
“Yes, Mr Judge, I have been paying Maintenance every month. Yes, I missed a few because ………… Oh! You are not interested”
Yes, Mr Judge, money is left over after the sale and mortgage repaid. Oh! My ex gets it”
“Yes, Mr Judge I have been paying the maintenance – I already told you. I’m in contempt – what does that mean?” ……. Bang!
“Hello Mr Judge. Oh! You are! The CSA paid it into the wrong account. Yes I know there are arrears I told you ………. No I do not want to spend any time in that place …. Yes Sir”
Dear Mr ********, your new assessment is £987 per month ……….
“But Mr CSA, How do I live? How do I live?”
……………………………..
“Here have another drink – I don’t pay them much – I’m self employed and get my mate to russle up a set of accounts”
“Thanks for the drink – I need it – but I’m PAYE and will get another detachment order”
Right – decision made –‘over time’. At least I can pay the rent and buy that guy a beer for once.
“Oh! Mr CSA, you want more. Another assessment. Of course I been working 70 hours a week. How can I pay my bills otherwise?”
“ No I am not paying – I’m off to the papers with this + the MP and I going to write a strong letter to the Secretary of State – he’s a clever guy”
Another Detachment of Earnings order. What is the point?
……………………………
“Hi”
“Yes, I really like you too!”
“Shall we live together with your 3 children”
This is great . no money . but I’m happy.
“Ok, so he does not want to pay for them anymore – cos’ he’s self employed – yes I know – I’ve got a mate like that”
Life is good ………… no money but its, at last ……… fun!
“Oh! You’re closing the department – well thanks for letting me know – and yes I will probably get another job soon”
“Its not working out for you? The money is a real problem! We don’t get on so well – but I’ve got a job now”
“Oh! You got your settlement and have to find a place for the children to settle in – I understand – yes we can still be friends”
“Yes MR CSA, my circumstances have changed – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
“Yes Mr CSA, my circumstances have changed – I got on my bike and started my own business – yes it was not too long – and Mr Bank was very helpful – no I will not be earning any money for a while – oh! – I have to pay – Ok – how much? ……………… How Much?”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I don’t fly! And any how there is a huge sea bay in the way and as far as I am aware that lovely Secretary of State is not building a bridge or subsidising a ferry – oh! You only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Mr CSA, as part of my job description I have to travel to see customers and use my car – I need to buy one – do you allow this – no! – oh!”
For few years I had kept my payments and managed to live – still seeing my ex-partner and her children. Then ……….
“Sorry but we have to let you go – the works dried up you see …….”
“Mr CSA, I have a change in my circumstances – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
Unable to get a job locally and unable to survive financially I started to Taxi drive.
Finally, I got that interview. “I am sorry Mr B we are unable to offer the local job but if you are prepared to travel the 150 miles we can give you job in ****”
“yes please – when can I start”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this taxi work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I can’t fly! And any how - you only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Oh Mr CSA, you want the essential car allowance I get”
“But how can I buy the car that is essential if you take that money – and you won’t allow the loan I need”
“Mr CSA, can you look into my case – what about departures – Ok – you will look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent YET another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it – what about Departures?”
“Mr CSA, I have to find somewhere else to live, my landlord is selling up – if I am able to buy a home – cos its probably impossible as my credit rating is poor and I have to pay high interest rates for loans for cars – I guess a mortgage is the same”
“Mr Mortgage, I love you – for the first time in ten years no one will be able to tell me that my rent is due – that I will have to move again”
“Mr CSA, this is how much it costs - would this be allowable – can you tell me how it all works – can you work it out for me so that I can see if I can afford it – thanks”
“ Hi Mr Mortgage – yes, I think I may be able to do it if you can get me one of those 107% MORTGAGES that allows me to fund removal costs, pay that lovely Secretary of State his Land Registry & Purchase Duty/Tax (what a lot of money that is – he must be a rich man that Secretary of State) and pay that Mr Solicitor and I’ve got a bit left to reduce that debt – yes in that case I can afford to do it”
“Oh! Mr CSA, you do not allow 107% mortgages and you want more of that essential car users allowance – but! But! But! ……………”
“Another detachment of earnings order – but how do I pay my bills, how do I get to work, how do I pay my mortgage, how do I pay my ………… MR Secretary of State says he can take 40% of my income – but his mate that Mr Brown already takes a great deal of it in taxation – his other mate takes 21% for his pockets – and that lovely DWP service takes around 10% and I am trying to do what that MR Blair wants me to do and buy a pension – BUT! BUT! …………….. you count that I have more money than I have – you do not allow my travel costs of £500 per month – because my job is specialised and I cant get work locally – oh! Mr Secretary of State does not care about that – BUT! BUT! ……………. You will not allow a 100+% mortgage BUT! BUT! BUT! I never had enough money to save for a deposit ……… I thought it was the right thing to do and I checked with you first ……………. Oh! You only roughly calculate payments - you have actually have to have a change of circumstance before you can tell me how much I will have to pay – its not your fault – that lovely Mr Secretary of State says that’s how it is ………. ok! Its off to Departures for me”
“But! But! …….. Mr CSA ………. If you do this I cannot pay my mortgage, my bills, can’t get to work ……. That lovely Mr Brown won’t have his direct or indirect taxation ……. You will have to take that £10 from my £54 a week and I will need to be housed in that B&B – Mr Council Taxpayer will pay ……… my £44 left is not going to buy too many drinks!”
So now I can see how I got to this state.
Anon!
An Ode to an Oh!
How I ever came to this is a sorry story in itself. How did I get to this?
For now I will inform you of the current action your wonderful measures are taking and refer to your previous actions.
I have accrued in ten years the frightening some of £5k in arrears with the CSA.
Surely this is a clear example of an errant father refusing to pay for his children?
Indeed, he is clearly depriving his children and forcing them into poverty.
Sadly that may be the case. But what can I do?
Some ten years ago I was informed of my ex-wife’s decision to divorce me. Stating that “I will not allow you to have access with the boys, as my new partner will not be able to control them if you are still around”.
A battle ensued. No winners, not unless you consider the thousands gained by the solicitors.
Immediately, I started sending my then wife, cheques. None were cashed. I quickly realised that this was as a result of her need to access Legal Aid. Then I sent them to the solicitors with the same outcome.
New strategy. Deliver them in person to the solicitor and have a receipt signed. Too late Legal Aid gained - benefits application made. CSA are in correspondence with me. I am now ‘officially’ an errant father who refuses to pay for his children. This mantle has stayed with me all these years. I am constantly reminded of it every time I speak to someone at that wonderful CSA.
‘D’, the ex has moved away. Remained true to her word regarding access. The CSA are pursuing me. Oh! I lost my job - redundant. And I’m divorced. All this and only a few months before I was happily married and studying for a better future for my family. How things change.
Depression has taken over me but I manage to acquire a new job. It’s in the ‘big smoke’. Travel, accommodation? Travel, accommodation? What should I do? ……………Travel and get the house sold.
“Please can we sell the house so I can carry on my life and do my new job?”
No, we need to settle the children matters and then deal with the financials.
The coded message was sent to me ‘don’t fight for contact’ and ‘we’ll settle quickly’.
“But how do I travel every day or live in London and still pay the mortgage whilst pay the maintenance assessment?”
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Another coded message.
18 months passed bye. Too many 4 am starts and returns after 11pm. That was just the work. Then the booze kicked in giving that depression a real boost. I’d lost it now.
Selling anything I owned to get enough money to meet all the bills.
“Mr. CSA can you look at my case again. You do not seem to be allowing me enough to pay my bills”.
“Well, you have £53 a week to live on and we cannot allow your mileage or rail costs to London as its unreasonable to your ex”
“But, I am a specialist – I was made redundant from the only local employer who could use my skills – but I did get a job – I got on my bike”
“Oh! I did not realise you meant that I had to literally get on my bike and cycle the 130 miles to work every day”
Ok, now a dilemma. Pay the bills, the mortgage and my rail season ticket and do I stop paying the CSA?. Or do I stop paying the bills, pay the mortgage and my rail season ticket? Or do I …………………….. let me get another drink.
Ok the bills are mounting up now. But I won my contact case. I get 1 hour every two weeks in a contact centre. And its only 300 miles away.
“Oh! The boys are ill today” “Ok, in two weeks time then – and here is another £100 cash to help you”
Where is that drink!
Now that stack of bills is really building up into something resembling ‘centre point’. But I am seeing the boys at last!
“Oh! They do not want to see me – yes I know – but it’s only been 12 months since I have seen them – have they forgotten who I am?”
“Ok, here’s your £100 and this is for Christmas”
Can’t open the door now – need to move those letters. In a minute – just one more drink.
Ooops! Lost my driving licence somewhere between buying the boys their Xmas pressies and the last bottle I had.
Ok, my fault – that bottle is the problem. I can do this for a year.
Unable to see the boys – well they have been very ill. Funny only on the second Saturday of the month. Still Lord Chief Butler-Sloss will understand.
“Oh!”
“The law changed whilst you were trying to read all my files that I prepared for you and lodged at the Court of Appeal”
“Yes that’s very unlucky”
…………………………
“I missed a few of CSA payments – yes I know - I had nothing left to sell”
“What’s a detachment of earnings order?” “oh!”
…………………………..
“Sorry you’re credit card has not been authorised” – “but how do I get my season ticket”
“Mr CSA, can you look at this again” “Oh! The Secretary of State makes you do it”
That Secretary of States a clever guy – he knows what he’s doing.
“Sorry boss – I could not get in today – not well”
“ Are you interested in buying this – no – Ok – I understand”
“Boss I can’t get in today – I’m ill”
“Look Mr Bank, I know I’m overdrawn but if I do not get to work soon I will lose my job – thank you – you are a star”
“Hi Boss feeling better today – I’m here!”
“Ok, I understand. Things always change. Thanks anyway – and thanks for the reference offer – I’m sure I will get another one soon”
Another drink …….. that’s fine.
Hooray! A new job and its only 250 miles from home. Well at least I won’t have to keep looking at those bills.
Ok I’m off. B&B. New bank account – this it. I made a decision I’ll be OK now.
“Mr Building society here is the keys to my house – yes – it should make a profit. Why? – I can’t pay the mortgage any longer and Lodgings and the bills and the CSA”
…………………………………
“Yes, Mr Judge, I have been paying Maintenance every month. Yes, I missed a few because ………… Oh! You are not interested”
Yes, Mr Judge, money is left over after the sale and mortgage repaid. Oh! My ex gets it”
“Yes, Mr Judge I have been paying the maintenance – I already told you. I’m in contempt – what does that mean?” ……. Bang!
“Hello Mr Judge. Oh! You are! The CSA paid it into the wrong account. Yes I know there are arrears I told you ………. No I do not want to spend any time in that place …. Yes Sir”
Dear Mr ********, your new assessment is £987 per month ……….
“But Mr CSA, How do I live? How do I live?”
……………………………..
“Here have another drink – I don’t pay them much – I’m self employed and get my mate to russle up a set of accounts”
“Thanks for the drink – I need it – but I’m PAYE and will get another detachment order”
Right – decision made –‘over time’. At least I can pay the rent and buy that guy a beer for once.
“Oh! Mr CSA, you want more. Another assessment. Of course I been working 70 hours a week. How can I pay my bills otherwise?”
“ No I am not paying – I’m off to the papers with this + the MP and I going to write a strong letter to the Secretary of State – he’s a clever guy”
Another Detachment of Earnings order. What is the point?
……………………………
“Hi”
“Yes, I really like you too!”
“Shall we live together with your 3 children”
This is great . no money . but I’m happy.
“Ok, so he does not want to pay for them anymore – cos’ he’s self employed – yes I know – I’ve got a mate like that”
Life is good ………… no money but its, at last ……… fun!
“Oh! You’re closing the department – well thanks for letting me know – and yes I will probably get another job soon”
“Its not working out for you? The money is a real problem! We don’t get on so well – but I’ve got a job now”
“Oh! You got your settlement and have to find a place for the children to settle in – I understand – yes we can still be friends”
“Yes MR CSA, my circumstances have changed – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
“Yes Mr CSA, my circumstances have changed – I got on my bike and started my own business – yes it was not too long – and Mr Bank was very helpful – no I will not be earning any money for a while – oh! – I have to pay – Ok – how much? ……………… How Much?”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I don’t fly! And any how there is a huge sea bay in the way and as far as I am aware that lovely Secretary of State is not building a bridge or subsidising a ferry – oh! You only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Mr CSA, as part of my job description I have to travel to see customers and use my car – I need to buy one – do you allow this – no! – oh!”
For few years I had kept my payments and managed to live – still seeing my ex-partner and her children. Then ……….
“Sorry but we have to let you go – the works dried up you see …….”
“Mr CSA, I have a change in my circumstances – ok – so out of my £54 a week you want £10 of it – oh!”
Unable to get a job locally and unable to survive financially I started to Taxi drive.
Finally, I got that interview. “I am sorry Mr B we are unable to offer the local job but if you are prepared to travel the 150 miles we can give you job in ****”
“yes please – when can I start”
“Hello Mr CSA, I can’t make this taxi work but I’ve managed to get another job but I have to travel - can you allow the debts I have built up – no! – can you allow my travel costs – good! – oh! 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“But Mr CSA, I can’t fly! And any how - you only pay 10p per mile but not for the first 150 miles and only as the crow flies”
“Oh Mr CSA, you want the essential car allowance I get”
“But how can I buy the car that is essential if you take that money – and you won’t allow the loan I need”
“Mr CSA, can you look into my case – what about departures – Ok – you will look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it”
“Mr CSA, you have sent YET another assessment that is even bigger – but you were looking into it – OK – you’ll look into it – what about Departures?”
“Mr CSA, I have to find somewhere else to live, my landlord is selling up – if I am able to buy a home – cos its probably impossible as my credit rating is poor and I have to pay high interest rates for loans for cars – I guess a mortgage is the same”
“Mr Mortgage, I love you – for the first time in ten years no one will be able to tell me that my rent is due – that I will have to move again”
“Mr CSA, this is how much it costs - would this be allowable – can you tell me how it all works – can you work it out for me so that I can see if I can afford it – thanks”
“ Hi Mr Mortgage – yes, I think I may be able to do it if you can get me one of those 107% MORTGAGES that allows me to fund removal costs, pay that lovely Secretary of State his Land Registry & Purchase Duty/Tax (what a lot of money that is – he must be a rich man that Secretary of State) and pay that Mr Solicitor and I’ve got a bit left to reduce that debt – yes in that case I can afford to do it”
“Oh! Mr CSA, you do not allow 107% mortgages and you want more of that essential car users allowance – but! But! But! ……………”
“Another detachment of earnings order – but how do I pay my bills, how do I get to work, how do I pay my mortgage, how do I pay my ………… MR Secretary of State says he can take 40% of my income – but his mate that Mr Brown already takes a great deal of it in taxation – his other mate takes 21% for his pockets – and that lovely DWP service takes around 10% and I am trying to do what that MR Blair wants me to do and buy a pension – BUT! BUT! …………….. you count that I have more money than I have – you do not allow my travel costs of £500 per month – because my job is specialised and I cant get work locally – oh! Mr Secretary of State does not care about that – BUT! BUT! ……………. You will not allow a 100+% mortgage BUT! BUT! BUT! I never had enough money to save for a deposit ……… I thought it was the right thing to do and I checked with you first ……………. Oh! You only roughly calculate payments - you have actually have to have a change of circumstance before you can tell me how much I will have to pay – its not your fault – that lovely Mr Secretary of State says that’s how it is ………. ok! Its off to Departures for me”
“But! But! …….. Mr CSA ………. If you do this I cannot pay my mortgage, my bills, can’t get to work ……. That lovely Mr Brown won’t have his direct or indirect taxation ……. You will have to take that £10 from my £54 a week and I will need to be housed in that B&B – Mr Council Taxpayer will pay ……… my £44 left is not going to buy too many drinks!”
So now I can see how I got to this state.
Anon!
Monday, 22 January 2007
The Beginning of the Affair - Introducing the players
We met at college. Not quite love at first sight but it was more than just lust.
I was a mongrel brought up within a working class family located in the shires. A product of a scottish-american bi-lateral agreement sometime in the early sixties. I remember little of my early life save for the moment I first tasted heart ache.
I sat on the cold floor in a dark room playing with a few toys. My mother, alight from the beam of sun that managed to get through the 'best' room into the living room, was opening a letter. She burst into tears. I tried to console her but was brushed away.
I watched and listened during the next hours. My mother relayed the message to my aunt and grandmother. "*x*****" is dead.
I did not fully understand who this was, or indeed the implications of a death and what it meant for us. 'Us' was my mum, two year old sister and me.
My father, a US Serviceman had died. His death was to save us. His veterans pension provided the food on the table that had been missing for sometime. I had not known him. I was later to discover neither did my mother. She had left him in the states some years earlier with my unborn sister.
My future wife, a product of a now middle class family from 'brum' who had climbed out of the working class environment they had descended from, was a clever and bright girl. Confidence was bound all a round her. She knew exactly what she wanted and strived hard to achieve it.
Very attractive, she caught my eye as she walked from her dorm to the reception of the residential block. I was going to meet her. Over the months I learnt of her boyfriend away on work experience. Undeterred I pursued her.
We spent many nights in her room. It was more homely than mine and located above the ground which was also a bonus - more light. Within months the year and the course was over. It was time to say good-bye. She was off to create her career and I was too continue my own.
As a last farewell, I travelled 300 miles to her home. Parents away abroad, an opportunity existed to indulge ourselves one more time - or to enable a future to evolve.
During my few days we engaged in a number of mutually agreeable activities. An excellent host in a fantastic home. She provided me with a tour of her home town and we walked along the cliffs. Once back in the comfort I anticipated a loving celebration of promise, once we had tasted once more the gratification of coupling. But no. I was duped. I thought it was love.
She began to explain her relationship and the subsequent bracelet that the young man had provided. I had been a fool. He was still the boyfriend and had no knowledge of our coupling. God she was good at covering that up.
That's all for now folks.
I was a mongrel brought up within a working class family located in the shires. A product of a scottish-american bi-lateral agreement sometime in the early sixties. I remember little of my early life save for the moment I first tasted heart ache.
I sat on the cold floor in a dark room playing with a few toys. My mother, alight from the beam of sun that managed to get through the 'best' room into the living room, was opening a letter. She burst into tears. I tried to console her but was brushed away.
I watched and listened during the next hours. My mother relayed the message to my aunt and grandmother. "*x*****" is dead.
I did not fully understand who this was, or indeed the implications of a death and what it meant for us. 'Us' was my mum, two year old sister and me.
My father, a US Serviceman had died. His death was to save us. His veterans pension provided the food on the table that had been missing for sometime. I had not known him. I was later to discover neither did my mother. She had left him in the states some years earlier with my unborn sister.
My future wife, a product of a now middle class family from 'brum' who had climbed out of the working class environment they had descended from, was a clever and bright girl. Confidence was bound all a round her. She knew exactly what she wanted and strived hard to achieve it.
Very attractive, she caught my eye as she walked from her dorm to the reception of the residential block. I was going to meet her. Over the months I learnt of her boyfriend away on work experience. Undeterred I pursued her.
We spent many nights in her room. It was more homely than mine and located above the ground which was also a bonus - more light. Within months the year and the course was over. It was time to say good-bye. She was off to create her career and I was too continue my own.
As a last farewell, I travelled 300 miles to her home. Parents away abroad, an opportunity existed to indulge ourselves one more time - or to enable a future to evolve.
During my few days we engaged in a number of mutually agreeable activities. An excellent host in a fantastic home. She provided me with a tour of her home town and we walked along the cliffs. Once back in the comfort I anticipated a loving celebration of promise, once we had tasted once more the gratification of coupling. But no. I was duped. I thought it was love.
She began to explain her relationship and the subsequent bracelet that the young man had provided. I had been a fool. He was still the boyfriend and had no knowledge of our coupling. God she was good at covering that up.
That's all for now folks.
The Affair of the ESTRANGED FATHER and the CSA
I am not entirely sure as to reasons for my blog. I suspect some of them relate to a kind of therapy. To facilitate the expulsion of frustration and grief that festers inside me.
Other reasons are deeply rooted within a wrap of altruism and forgiveness. To receive forgiveness from those two wonderful young people for whom I have the honour of having my name registered at their births, and from those wonderful folks who have helped me, those who have shown me kindness and support.
I grant you that if you are still awake it already sounds like a blog to miss. But please rest a while and allow me to get over the introduction and thanks. I assure that I will miss nothing and include all whilst attempting to 'blame, name and shame'. The latter, given the subject matter is illegal in that I am unable to use either the real names of my children or the names of the parties associated with the unfolding diariesed history that I intend to tell.
Should I have your attention and the merest level of interest then please let me know. Every morsel may be an encouragement to continue and gently evolve this blog.
So what is it all about then? Well, that's more than I can confirm at this stage. It was always my intention, some ten years ago, to write about my experiences, thoughts and ramblings as a result of this terminal affair between myself, 'my ex' and the CSA.
It is of course a docu-thriller based upon a messy triangle of relationships. It will clearly include the facts from my polarised view along with the 'meat & gravy' of a life which has largely been wasted upon excesses. Excesses of everything, yes everything.
My anticipation is that many people will have great empathy with me as it all enfolds. There will be those who will be absolute about their view of my blog. Those who can see the bigger picture and some who only want the titillation. You are all welcome....... I would be grateful for the death threats to be saved from the deletion file upon my remote email site. Please accept the concept of a fantastic and just piece of legislation, the right of free speech. I will honour yours.
Well, have I sensationalised this so far? I guess the answer is 'a little'. What I hope I can achieve in the future is to write it as it is and allow the words the opportunity to sensationalise the blog.
Forgive my grammar and rambling its all part of the story.
Enjoy my blog.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Here go'sssssssssssssssssss
Other reasons are deeply rooted within a wrap of altruism and forgiveness. To receive forgiveness from those two wonderful young people for whom I have the honour of having my name registered at their births, and from those wonderful folks who have helped me, those who have shown me kindness and support.
I grant you that if you are still awake it already sounds like a blog to miss. But please rest a while and allow me to get over the introduction and thanks. I assure that I will miss nothing and include all whilst attempting to 'blame, name and shame'. The latter, given the subject matter is illegal in that I am unable to use either the real names of my children or the names of the parties associated with the unfolding diariesed history that I intend to tell.
Should I have your attention and the merest level of interest then please let me know. Every morsel may be an encouragement to continue and gently evolve this blog.
So what is it all about then? Well, that's more than I can confirm at this stage. It was always my intention, some ten years ago, to write about my experiences, thoughts and ramblings as a result of this terminal affair between myself, 'my ex' and the CSA.
It is of course a docu-thriller based upon a messy triangle of relationships. It will clearly include the facts from my polarised view along with the 'meat & gravy' of a life which has largely been wasted upon excesses. Excesses of everything, yes everything.
My anticipation is that many people will have great empathy with me as it all enfolds. There will be those who will be absolute about their view of my blog. Those who can see the bigger picture and some who only want the titillation. You are all welcome....... I would be grateful for the death threats to be saved from the deletion file upon my remote email site. Please accept the concept of a fantastic and just piece of legislation, the right of free speech. I will honour yours.
Well, have I sensationalised this so far? I guess the answer is 'a little'. What I hope I can achieve in the future is to write it as it is and allow the words the opportunity to sensationalise the blog.
Forgive my grammar and rambling its all part of the story.
Enjoy my blog.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Here go'sssssssssssssssssss
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